The Things Mama Never Told Me.... or You... (Probably)

I had a long conversation with one of my best friends the other day and it was a conversation that has become all to familiar when I speak to a number of my friends. She has 2 (1 and 1 on the way) daughters and she said something that stuck out to me. She said "Our mothers never told us that relationships would be this way"; That is so very true. As young girls we (or maybe not all of us) dream of having a great career, wonderful friends, a love like no other that will sweep you off your feet, ask for your had in marriage, give you the 2.5 children, house and.... the infamous "Happily Ever After"..... What happens when the "Happily Ever After" doesn't arrive?, when instead of "Happily Ever After" "tryna holla at cha"..... Cheap Charlie who expects you to foot the bill and doesn't want to wine and dine you, dead beat dad David, shady double life Sam, Rob with the wife at home, Victor the damn near 30 year old video game king and Baby mama drama Brandon... are the only men you seem to meet up with?

Mama...... you got a whole lotta explaining to do!!! In the era of our mama's courting days..... men were "men" and the deadbeats mentioned above were few. So where did these men come from? Is the great man that we dreamed of non-existent? If so why waste your time?

*Mama never told us about going "dutch" on everything
*Mama never told us that men would want someone to be a humble helper but not want to be helpful
*Mama never told us that men want us to be faithful but don't know how to be faithful to us
*Mama never told us that men want an independent woman but when you need them to independently hold you down..... they forget the independent woman you once were
*Mama never told us that we would live with men without the hope of marriage
*Mama never told us that they place rings on our fingers to shut us up and have no real sense or respect for marriage and that's why the divorce rate is so high now
*Mama never told us we would have to deal with baby mama's scorned and take on children not our own

Honestly, if I ever have children.... I will warn them. Yes, I said warn...... because the childhood dreams may never become a reality. You may never meet a great man that won't cheat, that doesn't have a kid(s) with a crazy baby mama(s), one day you may fall in love with someone and then find out he has a wife at home, that a man that will put a ring on your finger because he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you may never cross your path.

Reality is... you have a greater chance of falling in love with a man that very well might cheat on you, and you may fall in love with a guy who will have a child that makes your life HELL, that you may need to do a background check on your man to see if he has a wife, that when a man treats you like crap.... leave him alone!!! that accepting a "Shut Up" ring ...... iss equal to putting a band aid over a bullet wound. That sometimes you need to know when to walk away. That God needs to be first in your life at all times... and most importantly... If you can't speak about his actions without fear of your loved ones opening a can of whoop (you know what) on him..... you may need to re-evaluate why you're still with him...

There is so much I would tell my daughter if I ever have one..... but in the meantime, I'm just going to focus on accepting the things that my mama never told me and try to understand why I didn't learn these valuable lessons earlier in life. Why my friends and myself tend to suffer because we were never told the reality of what the men of this millennium are like.

Here's to 2009 ...... lets make it a great one! Lets have great goals and achieve our own happiness and not wait for someone to make us happy! Oh.... and let's sit our mama's, sisters, daughters, cousins, nieces and friends down and bring them up to speed so there will be a few less blinded sistah's walking around in 2009....

Smoochez!